Love in the Time of Corona: Day 20

First, I want to offer up thanks to all the front line workers who are fighting to keep us alive: grocery workers, farmers, nurses, janitors, emergency workers, doctors, all health care providers, home care workers, and so many more.

Offering up gratitude to all our ancestors who have endured wars and famines and epidemics.

Thank you to all my community members who reached out to me, checked on me, and pulled me into circle.

Those who really know me know that my stress response is to fight, rather than to flee or freeze, for better or worse. I am fiercely protective of those I love and of myself and my instinct is to fight anything that threatens us. But this was not a typical stress. For the first two weeks of shelter-in-place (SIP) there was no one to fight. I went quiet. In some ways, I suppose I did fight, with sleep, exercise, clean diet and all the elderberry, garlic, ginger, oregano, thyme, cayenne, eucalyptus I could get my kids to consume. Fear and anxiety was up. How will I take care of my kids through this? How will I take care of my mother, who is on the other side of the continent? How will I keep everyone safe and well? Am I going to have enough to keep us fed and protected? How am I going to work while doing all this? Should I get a dog? Should I get a gun? I couldn’t get myself to write or focus as I tried to adsorb the reality of what is happening.

Now, in week 3, I’ve settled in a bit, with the help of community and with the help of my spiritual practice and ever-evolving rituals. And I feel compelled to write and share I’m so grateful to get to play the roles I’m playing today—perhaps it is all part of divine order. Here’s a little about what’s keeping me busier than ever at home:

Civil servant. I am privileged to work at the Mayor’s Office of Housing and Community Development in San Francisco. I primarily focus on stabilization and anti-displacement work in the South of Market—the neighborhood that was hardest hit by the dot com boom. Right now we are coordinating efforts during this intense period of destabilization—this time not because of development, but because of an unprecedented health crisis that is painfully exacerbating the inequities that were already there and already brutal on the very best of days. I am in awe of the work that my community partners are doing every day to protect seniors, youth and families. Still working to catch up with all the communication that needs to happen. I feel behind.

Professor. I’m an adjunct at the University of San Francisco and have the responsibility of engaging students (ages 18-22) during this experience that will shape their lives going forward. It’s not lost on me that these young people are just barely stepping into adulthood as the world is being turned upside down. It’s traumatizing. Many were kicked out of their dorms, many are international students who were in limbo about where they should go to begin social distancing. We are now doing online classes according to their regular schedule and I wonder what is going on in their minds. I wonder if it’s helpful to keep classes going to maintain some normalcy or if they find it ridiculous that we are asking them to continue learning as all this chaos ensues around them.

Full-time home school teacher. I get to hang out with my 6-year old every day and help him with his learning process. He is mostly happy to be home and right next to me all day long. Of course, this makes performing my two paid jobs quite interesting. Yesterday was the first time he cried about not being able to play with his friends. He’s super social and misses “kid talk.” So we do FT play dates to keep him socializing. My graduating high school senior is another story altogether. He’s been keeping up with remote learning on his own and he has really been stepping up to the plate to contribute around the household during this time. But I feel like the loss he is experiencing—his spring semester of his senior year, his senior baseball campaign, so much more—deserves its own post.

Full time cook. I started out cooking three meals a day, but last week my 17 year old took over lunches. He now prepares lunch for the household everyday. Huge help.

Job seeker. I’ve been looking for a new job for nearly a year, mostly because my commute has become unsustainable with my kid’s schedule and because my employer has not been amenable to me telecommuting. Seems ironic now that the whole office is telecommuting, but I just completed another job application today even though many employers are in hiring freezes right now.

Full time family wellness coach. At least on par with my paid gigs, I see this as a critical role. Staying well isn’t just about not contracting the virus. It’s about fostering the physical, spiritual, mental and emotional fortitude to be well while we SIP and maybe even more importantly, when we eventually re-emerge into a world that will changing by the minute. There is so much uncertainty now, but what I am certain about is that all of us will be forever and profoundly transformed by this experience. We work out every day—for our physical and emotional fitness. We have a vitamin and supplement regimen. We have sleep schedules. We breathe and meditate together. We pray and give thanks before every meal. We connect with and check on someone every day. We’ve got biohacking tools. We intentionally cultivate joy. We allow ourselves to grieve. We go outside and connect with nature every day. We wash our hands a lot. We call our family. We practice yoga. We get annoyed at each other but mostly we’ve been kind and compassionate with one another. It’s kind of remarkable.

I think about how long I’ve prayed for time to slow down and spend more time at home. I wonder how many other people wished for the same thing. Thank you universe…this isn’t exactly what I meant…but I see you. And I’m finding little moments to slow down in between to rest, reflect and listen.